Tasting Room Confidential

It’s impossible for me to write about Valentine’s Day wines without a nod to the holiday’s signature song, My Funny Valentine. Depending on what list you follow, My Funny Valentine is either the fifth or sixth most famous jazz standard in history. And, as with many enduring jazz standards, it started out as a Broadway showtune.

Babes in Arms was the 1937 Rogers and Hart show about two kids trying to launch showbiz careers in the aftermath of Vaudeville. Despite its condescending lyrics, My Funny Valentine is affectionately sung by the female character to a guy named Val, or Valentine. What’s not clear is whether the song is an homage to the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre of 1929. Coincidentally, Babe in Arms also debuted another jazz standard, The Lady is a Tramp.

Largely forgotten throughout the 40’s, My Funny Valentine was resurrected in a 1953 recording by Chet Baker and the Gerry Mulligan Quartet, and Baker’s haunting vocal rendition has since becoming legendary. Then came Charley Parker’s recording in 1954, Ruby Braff and Ellis Larkins in 1955, the landmark Miles Davis version in 1956, Bill Evans and Jim Hall in 1962, and the list of jazz interpretations goes on ad infinitum. At this point I think My Funny Valentine is due for a change.

So, in honor of love, wine and Valentines Day’s – plus regrets to Rogers and Hart – I have corrupted the lyrics to My Funny Valentine to create My Flabby Valiant Wine. But don’t worry, I have retained the affectionate condesension and loving insults to keep its spirit true to the original.

Please click here and sing along to the Chet Baker/Gerry Mulligan instrumental version.
For extra comic effect, try using an Elmer Fudd voice.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

(3-sec delay)

My Flabby Valiant Wine

My flabby Valiant Wine
Sweet tannic Valiant Wine
You make my glands really hurt
Your color is laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you’re my favourite taste of dirt

Is your body less than Greek?
Is your mouthfeel kind of weak?
When you open up at peak
Are you dessert?

But don’t change your label for me
Not at the table with me
Stay little Valiant Wine, and pay
Today is Valiant Wine’s payday

My flabby Valiant Wine
Sharp, piquant Valiant Wine
You’re the malic acid of my eye
Your finish is momentary
Like maraschino cherry
But you are always what I’ll buy

Does your fruit taste less than ripe
Does your structure feel like tripe
When you breathe like a pipe
Are you corked?

But don’t change your oak for me
Or add some smoke for me
Stay little Valiant Wine, and pay
Today is Valiant Wine’s payday

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